We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not ubering you a puppy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
