She went from zero to smokin in five shots
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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