At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
