just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
