so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
