We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
