So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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