My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
