peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
