He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
