Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
