He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
zippers are such a cool invention
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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