i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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