Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
