Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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