I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
