bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
