I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
