I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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