I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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