i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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