just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
