Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
