Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
