i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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