I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
