If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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