my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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