the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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