you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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