That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
