I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
