someone threw a dead crab at me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
