people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
