I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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