There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
