i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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