Who did Billy Mays play for?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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