he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
