I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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