If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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