Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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