i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
