Whod you bang
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
