It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
