i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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