I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
