Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
