every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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