I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
