You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
