whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My ATM looks so different sober.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
