Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have already put on my inside pants.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
