??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
