My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
