brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
