How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize