just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
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