Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
