So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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