i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
