Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
