I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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