Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
