if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
