On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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