You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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