I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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