I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
