Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
