I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
