im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
