My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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