we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
