so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
