i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
