Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
