Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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