Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize